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Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie published the 1936 book How to win Friends and Influence People. It is aimed at leaders and businessmen who want more social skills and who wish to improve their negotiation and management abilities.

The book includes many examples from people well-known and not so well-known who help you to understand the content and relate it to your life. This book is about self love, how to let go of the ego and make space for empathy, understanding, and concern to others.

Each section contains techniques and methods to deal with others in order to make friends and influence people.

Part I: Fundamental Techniques For Dealing W/ Your Neighbor

  • Do not try to kick the bees if you want honey.

Rule 1: Don’t criticize or condemn others.

  • The secret to dealing well with people is to make them want it. “The deepest principle in human nature is the desire to be loved.”; William James.

Rule 2: Express sincere and honest appreciation

  • The person who can do this can have the entire world with him. Who cannot? He walks on the road alone. Action arises from our fundamental desires. Henry Ford.

Rule 3: Inspire others to a desire.


Part Two – Six Ways For Others

  • This will make you feel welcome everywhere. Showing genuine interest in others can not only build friendships but also help to build customer loyalty. Like all human relationships, interest must be genuine. Both the person showing interest and the one receiving the care should receive dividends. Alfred Adler said that the person who doesn’t care about his peers has the most difficulties in life and causes others the greatest harms. From these individuals all human failings result.

Rule 1: Show sincere interest in the lives of others.

  • It is simple to make a great first impression. Smile like you have nothing to offer. “Action appears to follow feeling but in reality, feeling and action go hand-in-hand. If action can be controlled, which is the most direct control of our will, then we can regulate feelings”. William James.

Rule 2: Smile.

  • This is a must if you want to succeed.

Rule 3: Keep in mind that everyone’s name is the sweetest, most important sound in any language.

  • It is easy to be a conversationalist. There are no secrets in a happy business conversation. It is important to pay attention only to the person speaking. Nothing holds more flattery than that. Charles W. Eliot.

Rule 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to speak about themselves.

  • How to get people to listen: Talking to them about their most important things is the best way to win their hearts. It is also beneficial to speak in terms of other people’s interests.

Rule 5: Talk about the interests of others.

  • How to instantly make people like you: If we are selfish and despicable enough to not radiate happiness and give honest praise without expecting anything in return, then we will fail. Jesus of Nazareth said, “Do to your neighbour what you would like to see your neighbor do to you.”

Rule 6: Make your partner feel important and show genuine concern.


Part Three – Make Others Think Like You

  • An argument cannot be won. When one person shouts, the other hears. But when two people shout, there is no communication. You can win an argument, fight, and contradict sometimes, but you will never get the support of your opponent. – “Benjamin Franklin”.

Rule 1: Avoiding an argument is the only way to win.

  • How to win over enemies. If you’re going to show someone something that no one knows, do it quietly and with such dexterity that no one thinks you’re doing it. It will not get you in trouble if you admit you are wrong. This will end all arguments and make the other person want to be just and fair as you. “You cannot teach anyone anything. You can only help him find it.” – Galileo Galilei.

Rule 2: Respect others’ opinions. Never tell someone what is wrong.

  • Recognize when you are wrong. There is a degree of satisfaction in admitting your mistakes. It not only removes guilt and defensiveness but also helps solve the problem. Fighting is futile, but giving up can lead to more than you expected.

Rule 3: Admit that you are wrong quickly and clearly.

  • A drop of honey: Nobody likes to change their minds, and nobody can force you to agree with them. However, it is possible to make the other person believe it if we are gentle and kind. Abraham Lincoln said that a drop of honey is more effective at hunting flies than a gallon.

Rule 4: Start out friendly

  • Socrates’ Secret: Don’t discuss things that you disagree with when you speak to someone. Start by highlighting the points you agree on and keep it going. Make sure to stress that both parties are working towards the same goal and that there is no difference in the method or the purpose. Ask the other person to say “yes, yes” right away. If possible, try not to say “no” Ask polite questions, and get the answer “yes, yes.” “A”is not an answer. It’s a very difficult obstacle to overcome. When a person says no, it makes him feel proud”

Rule 5: Ask the other person to immediately say “yes, please”

  • Safety valve when handling complaints: Let the other person speak. They know more about their business than we do. Let’s get to know him and ask questions. “If you want enemies, you must surpass your friends. If you want friends, you should let your friends surpass yours.” – La Rochefoucauld.

Rule 6: Let the person who is most vocal do all the talking.

  • How to get cooperation: Nobody likes being forced to do something. We all want to believe we can buy what we want, and we will apply our ideas. We like to be consulted about how we would like it to work. Alexander Pope said that man must be taught and the untaught as forgotten.

Rule 7: Let the person you are sharing the idea with feel that it is theirs.

  • This formula will make you smile: There is a reason the other person thinks or proceeds the way they do. Once you discover this hidden reason, you can unlock the key to their actions and perhaps even their personalities. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Gerald s. Nirenberg: “You can communicate effectively when you show that the other person considers their ideas and feelings equally important.”

Rule 8: See things from the perspective of another person.

  • What everyone wants: Start by saying “I can’t fault you for feeling how you feel. If I were in your shoes, it is not doubt that I would feel exactly the same.” This phrase will make even the most irritable person smile.

Rule 9: Show empathy for the wishes and ideas of others

  • This is a call everyone loves: Usually people have two reasons to do one thing. One reason that seems worthy and one that is good. The true reason is the reason each person thinks about it. There’s no need for anyone to insist on this. We are all idealists deep down, so we want to think about motives that make sense.

Rule 10: Appeal only to noble motives

  • It is possible to do it in both the cinema and television. Dramatization is now the age of dramatization. It is not enough just to tell the truth. The story must be vivid, exciting, and dramatic. Television does it. The cinema does it. If you want to draw attention, you’ll have to do the same.

Rule 11: Dramatize your ideas

  • If nothing else works, you can try this: The desire to improve yourself. This is the challenge The challenge! The game is a powerful way to appeal to men of character. That’s what every successful person loves. It’s the chance to show your worth, to be noticed, and to win. Running racing is all about the desire for excellence, to feel valued, and to be successful.

Rule 12: Use gentle challenges tactfully


Part Four – Be A Leader: How To Change Others, Without Offending Them / Awakening Resentment

  • You don’t have to find fault. If you do, it is best to praise.

Rule 1: Show sincere appreciation and praise.

  • You can criticize but not be hated: Directly drawing attention at mistakes is a great way to help sensitive people who might resent criticism.

Rule 2: Pay attention to mistakes made indirectly by others.

  • First, talk about your mistakes. It’s not difficult to listen to someone else’s account of your shortcomings.

Rule 3: Be honest about your mistakes, before you criticize others.

  • People don’t like taking orders. Resentment can be long-lasting, even if the order is given to correct a clearly bad situation. Asking questions makes it easier to accept orders and stimulates creativity.

Rule 4: Do not give orders, ask questions.

  • Save face by letting the other person save it! This is how important and vitally important it is! It is amazing how little we stop to consider it. To continue our journey, we trample on others’ feelings, making threats, pointing out defects, and criticizing children or employees in front of others without ever considering that we might be hurting the pride of others.

Rule 5: The other person must save his face.

  • To motivate people to success, praise should be specific and not just something the other person is saying to make them feel better. “Capabilities are susceptible to criticism, but they thrive when given encouragement. ” – Dale Carnegie.

Rule 6: Show warmth and generosity of spirit when you applaud others.

Make a name for yourself and then go to bed. “Assume a virtue even if it isn’t yours.” Shakespeare.

Rule 7: Maintain a good reputation for the other person.

  • Make mistakes easy to fix: If we are generous in how we encourage, if it makes things seem simple to do, then we can help the other person practice until dawn to improve their skills.

Rule 8: Encourage the other person. Make mistakes seem easy to fix.

You can make the other person happy by making them feel fulfilled. Instead of giving a directive, you can show the benefits you will get if they do the work.

Rule 9: Make sure that the other person is satisfied with what you have suggested.

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Zan Wat